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Monday, July 11, 2011

Drama Kings

Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy by Dalma Heyn was written for me.  Ms. Heyn, in 2006, looked into my soul and saw my past and future.  Ok, maybe not entirely realistic, but this seems to define my dating life.

Ms. Heyn lists the four main types of Drama Kings: The Visitor, The Proprieter, The Easy Going Guy, and the Hit-and-Run Lover.  I was able to identify each and every type of man, because it seems like I have dated each and every type of these men.

To sum up: The Visitor is a man who is emotionally distant except when he needs you, a man who is attracted to your strength but repelled by it at the same time; The Proprieter is a control freak who will go to extremes to cut you down and keep you in his grasp (some people call this emotionally abusive); The Easy Going Guy wants to be with you but can't quite initiate, yet when you show initiative to be with him he pulls back; and the Hit-and-Run Lover is full-force until he isn't anymore--and he just disappears.

This book was incredibly insightful and brought gasps of acceptance from me almost every time I turned the page. Ms. Heyn discusses why women stay (which is basically classical conditioning, which all psych grad students grasp the first day of class), and why women (those of us!) who are smart, strong, and so normally independent not only fall for these hooligans but also continue to go back for more.  I am so appreciative to have read this book and to have made a note to run from these types that I am ever-so-familiar with.

Ms. Heyn is a writer who is clear, concise, and friendly in her writing--you often feel as though you are in conversation with the best therapist you have ever had.  She never pulls out excuses for the horrid behavior of these four types of men--nor does she allow women to make excuses for their choosing to stay.  She lies out the reasons and lets you as the reader determine your own destiny. 

Most of all this book empowered me to make better decisions in my dating life.  Ms. Heyn tells her readers that when women can finally break away from these types of men, they have the right to learn from them and to never go back again.  I certainly have (or am at least trying!), and by having it spelled out for me in writing I can't use "lack of discovery" as an excuse anymore.  I have seen the light!

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