Educated: A Memoir

Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover stood out to me as it was an interesting premise: a young woman, raised in a survivalist family in Idaho with no formal education, fights her way to college and graduate school to become a historian. This memoir went way beyond that and became a beautiful story of love, loyalty, and self-discovery. 

Tara was the youngest of seven children, born to a fundamentalist Mormon family who did not believe in formal education. More than that, her father believed that the End of Days was coming, and he had his family preparing to outlast everyone on their mountain, isolated from neighbors, family, and friends. Their income came from the junkyard on their property, and her father spent hours on end rambling about the evils of the Government (capitalization intentional) and the gentiles, whom he defined as everyone but those who lived their faith according to his principles, including his fellow Mormons. When Tara follows in her brother's footsteps to BYU, she suffers from severe culture shock, and she must find her own place and her own way -- not just that of her father. 

This story is incredible, and not just for the sheltered-girl-makes-good story. At its heart, Tara's story is an achievement in self-study that follows her journey from an impressionable child who desperately believes her father's rantings against the evils of the world to an adult who has to find the answers to her questions herself. She has to face her past, which is her family, in the harshest light possible, and she has to make a decision between caring for herself and her own well-being or being a member of her family. It's heartbreaking, and in this story, you watch as her siblings all have to make this decision for themselves. The self-delusion that some family members live in is almost unbelievable, until you realize that we all have people who live in this state even if it is not nearly as extreme as a survivalist mentality. Tara tells of sitting in an undergraduate psychology class and hearing the symptoms for bipolar disorder and realizing that her father is a textbook case. It's not the first time that she begins questioning her upbringing, but it is a defining moment in her relationship with her parents. My heart hurt for her as she laid out her process of coming to grips with the differences between her and those who raised her. 

However, even if this story was just about Tara's work to overcome the odds stacked against her, that would have been amazing. Just her ability to be self-sufficient in terms of reviewing for the ACT on her own, and her seeking help with trigonometry from her brother, was amazing. It was enough to make me wonder if I could have that kind of drive. It's mind boggling that her father would give credit to their "home school," as there was next to no schooling that actually took place. Her family was not set up to succeed, from her father's rantings to her mother's capitulation, from their distrust of modern medicine to a fear of paperwork and schooling, Tara's success was just astounding, and the fact that she, along with two of her brothers, earned Ph.D.'s is amazing, and I applaud them. I know how hard this is. 

The most important part of Tara's story, to me, was her ability to come to grips with the abuse she suffered as a child and a young adult at the hands of her older brother. She calls him Shawn in this book, and he was incredibly violent to Tara, and later we discover many other girls, over a course of decades. I was expecting sexual abuse to come to light at some point, but that was not the case. He spent his time tormenting his sisters, girlfriends, and desired paramours. It's difficult to read, because you want to scream at the girls in the book to run as fast as they can. When one girl turns to Tara and tells her that God has provided Shawn with the ability to "fix" girls through violence, and that he is annointed, it's shocking. I was taken aback that someone could be so enmeshed in their faith that they would accept predicted violence to be God's will. I know it happens, but reading it so starkly was affecting.

Tara's writing is also lovely. In an interview with Vanity Fair, she writes that she studied short stories to figure out how to write for a general audience, and that she structured her chapters like short stories. The effect was beautiful, and the book was affecting and meaningful. I'm grateful that I was able to be a part of her journey as a reader of her story, and I look forward to hearing what the future offers her. 

The Sound of Gravel: A Memoir

Ruth's father had 42 children -- she was number 39. She was a rough and tumble girl, having three siblings before her and almost a half dozen more to come. Her father was killed when she was a baby by his brother in a power struggle for the church, and her mother remarried soon after. This man, however, was not the man he purported to be. Raising her children in destitution and squalor, Ruth's mom gave birth to a series of babies while choosing to remain ignorant to the sexual abuse her husband was perpetuating on his own step children. While Ruth is still young, tragedy strikes the family, and she must make a decision that will change all of their lives. 

This memoir was super intriguing and incredibly interesting. I have been on a kick lately reading about poverty, and this memoir surprisingly fit into it. Of course I have lots of thoughts on issues such as depending on the government when your religion believes it is the devil, but if I'm just keeping it to the story, I would say it's definitely worth the read. Truth is certainly stranger than fiction, and Ruth's truth is mind-blowing if you have never experienced poverty at the level she has. 

The biggest question, I think, is at what point do you need to walk away from a chosen religion that encourages an unhealthy lifestyle for your children? I specifically mean living in squalor to the point of disease and the inability to ensure the safety of your babies. It's easy to argue in the story that Ruth's religion was the crux of her families problems. Now, that isn't to say that every religion causes problems, but theirs specifically doesn't just advocate for this lifestyle but embodies it. The lifestyle being one of poverty, barely enough to eat, definitely not enough nutrition for small growing bodies, and ultimately sexual abuse of minors. While the sexual abuse isn't necessarily inherent in the religion, the willingness of the community members to stand for such treatment of children in their midst -- including the mothers of the abused children -- is nothing short of shameful and unacceptable.

The hardest part of this book is that the only reason Ruth escaped her daily horror was because her mom died. That is incredibly unfortunate because it took the death of her rock and the only real functioning adult in her world to bring order and a childhood to her life. I appreciate what it too for her to write this story, and I'm happy she did. 

Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin: A Memoir

Surprise! A memoir by a Mormon! I probably shocked your pants off. Kidding. This is Nicole Hardy's Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin. 

Nicole Hardy is raised by two loving, adoring parents alongside her brother in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She is a Mormon. She is raised to believe that if she keeps herself pure in all ways, including sexually, she will have eternal life with her family. She believes, and she follows, and she is determined to do it right. As she grows older and uses her teaching degree, she searches for the right husband but no one seems to want her -- a fun, feisty, creative woman who is not sure she even wants children. As Nicole moves through her twenties she quits her teaching job, pursues her career as a writer, and quits her job to move to Grand Cayman. She begins to love herself for who she is, with or without a marriage and motherhood, and the pillars of her belief system begin to make way for an expanded definition of what she can accomplish. She begins to dig deep about what she believes now, as a late thirtysomething who loves life as it is. 

I think we all know why I started this book, but I became so engrossed and finished it for a far different reason. Hardy is not just a fantastic writer, but she is willing to bare her entire soul for her readers so that they can begin to understand her life. Her faith is so much more than something that she was born into; it's the rock on which she founded her life, and the decision to move away from something that meant so much to her and grounded her every day being hurt like no other. Hardy does a brilliant job of making her reader understand why she chose to be such a devout Mormon. At a later point in the book, when somebody tries to give her a compliment by telling her how proud they were that she had moved away from the indoctrination of her childhood, I as the reader understood why she was bothered by that comment. She never thought indoctrinated; she felt home. She felt it was always her choice, and she chose what she believed was the truth. It was the moment in the book that solidified what I came to know about Hardy over the course of her memoir – that she was who she became because of her faith.

Hardy also treated this memoir in the same way I imagine she would treat her fiction. She was a character in her own story, although she was one that was so full and developed and had a gorgeous character arc. I got to know her over these pages, and I absolutely feel like I know her. In fact, the moment that she chooses to leave her church, found myself tearing up for her. She provides her reader with a piece of work that is so real and honest that it feels as though you're living with her and her life. What I loved the most about her story, though, was that she doesn't negate what she grew up believing -- she celebrates it and uses it to inform who she is now. There is no bitterness, only love. I think that's pretty awesome. 

I am only left with one question. What ever became of James?

That being said, I highly recommend this memoir to anyone and everyone who can get their hands on it. I'm only sorry that it took me many months to get to this book in my queue. I wish I picked it up much earlier, because it was an outstanding piece of work that I thoroughly enjoyed,  and it's one that will sit with me for sometime.

For purchase below. 

The Bishop's Wife: A Novel

OOOOOOHHHHH. This book was super hot at Book Expo this year -- big banner and everything. So yeah, I got my grubby fingers on it when it came out. This is Mette Ivie Harrison's The Bishop's Wife.

Linda Wallheim is a woman who holds an unnamed post that she didn't ask for. Much is expected out of her -- love, acceptance, a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, and lots of fresh baked breads. She is the bishop's wife. Her calling is that of her husband, and she obeys out of duty and love. When Jared Helm, a member of their ward, comes knocking on their door one morning claiming that his wife has run away and left him and their five year old daughter, a chain of events starts rolling that brings to light the dark secrets of their family and a strange parallel to an earlier event that will only soon come to light. While new relationships bloom, older ones come to a close, and what happens behind closed doors may surprise you far beyond your imagination.

We all know my ridiculous obsession with Mormons, so when I saw this book at BEA this year I almost flipped my lid. A thriller involving potential murder AND my religious fascination? Absolutely. I'll take it. Unfortunately, I had to wait until it was released to get it from the library, but it was well worth the wait. It was a super intriguing story, and one I found myself utterly engrossed with. There were many a late night up reading by candlelight. (It was a lamp.)

First of all, the first-person narrator of the story, Linda, was a fantastic character. She had a very subtle character arc throughout the entire book, but ultimately she stayed steady in her beliefs and her convictions, and she was a bit of a radical feminist underneath her religious exterior. She supported her husband, Kurt, as the bishop, and she was a very strong bishop's wife, but she also had firm beliefs in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Her doggedness in pursuing finding out what happened to her neighbor, Carrie, whether she ran away or was killed by her husband, was the driving force of the story.

However, the additional side story of another potential woman in their ward missing -- this time for decades -- added to the intensity. While I would argue that two such stories happening to the same people would be an unbelievable plot point, Harrison writes in such a way that is not only entirely plausible but really quite believable. I found the story leaving me at the edge of my seat and turning the pages as quickly as I could as I walked down the street. Reading while walking – the ultimate sign of a good book.

I loved this book, and picking it up over the weekend was the best choice I made for a chilly winter afternoon. It was well worth the nine month wait.

For purchase below. 

A Song for Issy Bradley: A Novel

A Song for Issy Bradley by Carys Bray hooked me with the promise of Mormons, and kept me around with a glorious tale of a family in crisis.

Issy Bradley has only just started school, and the day she dies is her brother's birthday. Her family, devout Mormons, struggles with her death in different ways. Her older sister, Zippy, begins to run the household while her oldest brother, Alma, rebels against his faith. Jacob, the closest to her in age, believes she will be resurrected just as Issy's goldfish was. Her father, Ian, remains steadfast and truth-seeking as he serves others. Her mother, Claire, is the most devastated of all. She seeks solace in her faith yet can't find it (either solace or her faith). 

This book was devastatingly lovely. It was one of those stories that is not chock full of action or crazy happenings, but instead relies on the human emotions and relations that make up our every day. Watching a family that desires to be faithful and wants to believe that they will see their beloved Issy for eternity made their struggle honest and real. It didn't matter whether or not it's true, but it's the grounding of their faith and desperate clinging to it, or running away from it, that makes this family one to understand. 

Bray treated her characters with such respect, and they came off as so realistically human even when they were doing things that I would consider absurd, such as the fake wedding ceremony for young teen age girls. That may have been my favorite point of the novel, with its biting remarks from one of the sister's about Zippy's mother being a convert and the young minds wrestling with sinning. I remember being similar to Zippy as a young teen, seeing life and religion in black and white, not quite understanding the Adam's of the world, who may not believe and don't want to follow down a prescribed path. It was a beautiful chapter, and the whole book was this way. Moments that push these characters into the realm of what it means to be human, to love and to support and to grieve and to be.

Hard copy for purchase below.

Under the Banner of Heaven

I am speechless in the face of Jon Krakauer's Under the Banner of Heaven. Speechless.

Ron and Dan Lafferty, brothers in genetics and in faith, claim they were commanded by God to kill their sister-in-law and baby niece. Using this stringently, horrifically detailed crime as a jumping off point for exploring the intersection of extremist faith and violence, Krakauer takes us into the world of fundamentalist Mormons, exploring the history of the religion, the breakaway from the larger church that we understand today, and their death grip on The Principle--polygamy--at all costs.

My first reaction to this book is, "Holy mother of pearl, how on earth has the world not read this???" Not because of its revelatory power, which is strong and magnetic, but because it is such a well-written treatise on religious fundamentalism and the (dare I say?) inherent violence in the protection of those values. How on earth others wouldn't say, "Golly gee whiz, so-and-so thinks they are the next-come Messiah--maybe they are crazy!" mind-boggles me. You would think after the third person said this someone would say, "Waaiiiittt a second..." But no. Which I guess is not such a bad thing, as Krakauer's phenomenal book came out of it.

This is a non-fiction piece, which often takes me longer to read than a novel simply because of the larger amount of detail it contains and focus it requires. Not Banner, no sir. I whipped through this 400 page tome in a matter of hours, only because I refused to put it down. I also refused to stop thinking about it. It owned my life for days after--I couldn't stop telling every person I came across to read this book. I am a little behind the game; it was released in 2003, after all. Astounding. It was just astounding.

Krakauer has this amazing way of making his work come across like a work of deep and empowering fiction, and he chooses subjects that will fascinate the unfascinatable. (Yes, I just invented that word. You're welcome.) His research is meticulous, and it should come as no shock that many in the Mormon faith (both fundamentalist and not) didn't want this published. It does not shed a positive light on the history of America's fastest growing religion, but if we are honest with one another then we can accept that no religion exists with an unblemished record. Once we can accept this fact, we can move forward with understanding what others believe. It's what I seek--understanding belief systems and the history behind them because it's interesting to me.

So this is what I encourage you to pick up and enjoy this upcoming month. It's worth a read for nothing else than Krakauer's wondrous writing and ability to draw you in.

Buy the hard copy below. For real. 

The Fastest Growing Religion in America: How Genealogy Captured the Brains and Imaginations of Americans

I really enjoyed Doug Bremner's The Goose That Laid the Golden Egg, so I picked up The Fastest Growing Religion in America: How Genealogy Captured the Brains and Imaginations of Americans during my last trip.

Genealogy has grabbed hold of America--people everywhere, in all walks of life, are spending money and time putting together their own links to the past. Some call it an obsession. Some even call it a religion. Doug Bremner is no exception. In a search to fill in the blanks of his maternal history, Doug finds out about the history of the genealogical obsession along with long-held deep dark secrets in the family he never knew. It's enough to make your head spin.

This book focuses on Bremner's genealogical search, which is really interesting if you are a genealogist (professional or amateur!) yourself. Bremner works step-by-step through his process which has taken him years to put together. He started long before the ease of the hundreds of thousands of websites became available for the ease of search. It's quite interesting. I appreciate how Bremner integrates information about genealogy itself with his own slog through the alternating myriad and dearth of available information. The author lets it all hang out--the good, the bad, and the ugly. It makes for a very interesting read!

Kindle copy below. A great price!

Amity & Sorrow: A Novel

Amity & Sorrow by Peggy Riley. Oh. Em. Gee.

Amaranth is the first wife. Of fifty. She is happy in her large family until she discovers her husband's awful secret--one that even she can't forgive. She takes her daughters, Amity and Sorrow, and escapes in the midst of the fire in their temple. She gets as far as the Oklahoma panhandle when she falls asleep and crashes their car. A local farmer, Bradley, comes to their rescue and gives them shelter. As the girls begin to navigate in their world without their plural family, will they be able to learn basics, like how to live and to read? Or will they grasp on to their only known world and refuse to let go? Can Amaranth forgive herself for that which she blames herself? Can she start over for the sake of her girls--and ultimately for herself?
 
Just...wow.

This novel was...it was...well, I feel that to call it outstanding would be to undersell it. It was one of the most beautiful, engaging, and addicting pieces of literature I have read of late. I would have been perfectly fine not leaving my house until I finished this book. I was so engaged with the story, with the heartfelt search for self that was written so earnestly and so thoughtfully. Riley is a genuine writer whose words on the page sing like a bird's sorrowful song. I was addicted to this book like a junkie.

I was astounded at the sociopathy of Sorrow but not surprised by Amaranth's desire to do whatever she could to protect her. I, at times, was floored at Amity's deep and abiding love for her sister, so much so that she was even willing to risk her life. My heart leaped for Amaranth when she set out to find peace in a new life, and I sat on pins and needles with them when they were forced to journey back to the compound. I was willing to stay up all night watching them to make sure they were safe.

In short, I loved this book.

I strongly suggest you add this to your list. Kindle version on left, hard copy on right.
 

Elders

Oh, my Mormons. How I love stories about thee. That's why I picked up Elders by Ryan McIlvain. I got so much more than I bargained for in beauty, in characters, and in story.

Elder McLeod is so close to finishing up his mission in Brazil; just a few more months and he can head home. The only problem? He has yet to find the security in his faith he set out to find on this mission. When he is joined by a new partner, Elder Passos, Elder McLeod must dig deep to find care, honesty, and forgiveness, which isn't easy--each has his own demons with which to wrestle. As Elder McLeod's choices lead toward a final, fateful one, these two learn what friendship is and how fraught it is with emotional landmines.

This book was a lovely and beautiful piece of artwork on love, faith, and struggle. It is earnest and careful, and McIlvain cares for his protagonists so deeply. It shows in the writing. These boys have such beautiful characters arcs and they are written so beautifully that it is hard to not understand McLeod's choices that result in his downfall. I couldn't blame him for his choices, which did not mean that I cheered him on. I could only be a mother to him and hug him when he returned from his mission.

I also found this same pathos for Elder Passos who had lost his mother at a young age and yearned for a faith that could guarantee the hereafter on a tangible level, which the Mormon faith was able to give him. Even if you despise the dogmatic you can't help but feel such empathy for the young man who only yearns for what he had and seeks solace in his rigid beliefs.

It's just a lovely, lovely book that speaks to the humanity in us all, regardless of our faith, gender, or creed. I feel so honored to have read this novel that spoke to my soul.

For you!
 

You're Not Doing It Right

I love wishing you guys a happy Celebrity Memoir Friday here on the Sassy Peach!  Today's book is Michael Ian Black's You're Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations.

Black's memoir tells the tale of his meeting, wooing, and marrying his wife Martha.  Interspersed between these love-(and-sometimes-lack-of-it)-story chapters are little ditties that tell us about Black's past as it defines him in the present--stories about his family, about his escapades as a child and in college, about sometimes poor life choices that have been made. We learn about marriage (good and bad), parenthood, and getting old.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, because I dig Michael Ian Black but also because I love other people's stories.  I appreciated his intense love of his girlfriend, now wife, and his desire to make her happy early on in their relationship.  I also deeply appreciated how honest he is about things falling apart as you go on in life, and Black is forthcoming about the decision for him and Martha to attend therapy.  Black is also honest about having kids--he doesn't whitewash the often hellicious first few months with no sleep, no shower, and no sanity.  I can't say it's an undertaking I have any desire to do in the next few years (or ever).

If you are heading to the beach in the next few weeks and you need a good celebrity memoir, check it out.  You will be entertained, that's for doggoned sure.

The Complete Mystery of Matthew Alcott

Oh yes, my completely unhealthy obsession with Mormons.  I can't get enough.  That's where The Complete Mystery of Matthew Alcott comes in.  He is being chased by Mormons.  I love it.

Matthew Alcott is an excommunicated Mormon--kicked out of the church because he dared to question.  While working in the historical archives, Matthew comes across documents showing that Joseph Smith was the first playboy--obsessed with collecting wives and tampering down the rights of women within his religion.  When he publishes his book, he finds that he is not just hated--his life is in danger by some of the richest and most powerful men in the country.

I really enjoyed the premise behind this book--it was fun and the potential was very high for a non-stop, high adrenaline thriller.  The story is fascinating, looking at the archives and the Mormon church's (fictionalized or not) view on women and their rights.  However, there were many times when reading this book that I was highly confused about where action was coming from.  All of the sudden we would be in a new location or things would be happening that didn't connect to previous action, and I had to look past this in order to focus on the core of the story.

The subject matter is fascinating and the characters are so interesting.  In fact, I ended up having a dream that I was writing the book and the Mormon upper echelon was after me which then made me threaten to sell my cats to the Mormons.  So obviously this book affected me and caught my interest.

Latter-Day of the Dead

I was sold on Latter-Day of the Dead by Kevin Krohn the second I read "zombies" and "polygamy" in the description.  While not the biggest fan of zombie literature myself, I know that many of my close friends are and I am obsessed with Mormons so it's a wash, know what I'm saying?

A young man leaves his polygamist compound (much against the rules) to visit a strip club for the first time (beyond against the rules).  While there, he is bit in a very unfortunate location by a stripper who is clearly not right.  After going home he begins to feel and act not right himself--and slowly the compound doctor realizes what is happening.  Can he warn the compound in time?  Will they even believe him? 

It is no lie that I thoroughly enjoyed this book.  I find the whole idea of zombies to be so ridiculous that I love when someone takes the concept and goes as far as possible with it.  Krohn does exactly this.  I love how integrated the zombies were into the life of the polygamist compound, and it made me feel guiltily indulgent for wanting to sink my teeth into this story (pun completely intended). 

You can get this ebook on Amazon for $4.99.  Not a bad deal, I tell you!